Is there an area in your life that is causing you shame or guilt? Do you feel stuck in the same cycles that you cannot seem to break? Are you desperate for a tangible way to begin the hard work of letting go of these feelings and stepping into your calling?
If you answered yes, then you are in the right place!
It is oftentimes much easier to forgive others but next to impossible to forgive ourselves and quiet our inner critic. It is easy to point out another's fault and hard to fully grasp the magnitude of our own. It is easy to point a finger and analyze another without even considering what is really going on behind the scenes in our very own self.
Let's get real. Self-forgiveness allows weights to be lifted and will help you glide past the people who want nothing better than for you to live in shame and guilt and not succeed.
Stop believing the labels and silence your inner critic.
Here are 10 "A" antidotes to counteract the "poison" that is damaging our minds and bodies. Self-forgiveness brings freedom and allows achievement and success. Here's to building antibodies to the disease of shame and guilt and becoming advocates for others who desperately need the same freedom!
1. Acknowledge your All.
No one likes the truth especially when it hurts. However, before you can step into your purpose you must first dig deep and look at your all.
Most of us have something eating away below the surface that needs our attention right now. Our full potential is being hindered because we are allowing others and our inner critic to speak louder than the good.
We believe:
I am not good enough. My parents aren't proud of me. I can't be forgiven because I had an abortion. I am a failure and cannot provide for my family. I am a failure in school. I want to give up because of what I have done. I harm more than I help. I can't be faithful. I am an alcoholic. I am fake. I can't provide for my future.
Self-forgiveness often hurts much more than forgiving someone else. However, self-forgiveness unleashes our future potential and allows us to live in peace. Your calling lies in facing your all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
You must believe:
I am good enough. My parents are proud of me. I am whole. I am honest. I am forgiven. I help save lives. I can provide for my family and find success again. I am changed. I am faithful. I am beautiful and made for a purpose. I am real. The best is yet to come.
2. Who is your Authority?
It's impossible to find answers and inward healing until you find the right authority. When left in our own hands we avoid, react in anger, and attract more adversaries. Acknowledgment of the one greater who is our advocate, our antidote to shame and guilt, and our answer to every situation is the glue that turns your mess into a masterpiece.
Like medicine, there are many unknowns. I can't give you a perfect picture of God, I can't paint a picture of perfect bliss and happiness that follows. However, once you experience how with one-word things change, you will unleash your potential by walking in real forgiveness.
God isn't the one hanging it over your head, he isn't the one waking you up at night, and he isn't the one whispering in your ear all day...
He forgave you, now forgive yourself.
3. Who are your Allies?
While raising teens, I have experienced heartache because of the awful things friends turned enemies say to each other. The shame and guilt our kids carry when these past friends find joy in bringing up your past - over and over - is heartbreaking for any parent.
It is impossible to turn off the noise of shame and guilt from others if you can not silence your own inner critic. Self-inflicted wounds can crush your inward potential far more than the lousy people you thought were friends.
Find people who help you create positive action and advocate for you. Value the ones who face your giants face to face with you and rebuke what others speak over your life. Stay alert and never be afraid to stand alone. One bad adversary does quite a bit of damage to teens and adults alike.
"A fake friend likes to see you do well, but not better than them." – Unknown
"True friends will always find a way to help you. Fake friends will always find an excuse." – Unknown
"Growing up means realizing a lot of your friends aren't really your friends." – Unknown
You are not defined by your past. You are not defined by your enemies. You are loved, valued, and you have purpose and calling. Silence the shame and give voice to the hero inside of you. Others need it more than you know.
4. Attitude Adjustment Required.
You will not move much further in the future with a bad, negative mindset. Avoiding disagreements and failing to see other's assets and opinions instead of just your own will result in many failed attempts at success.
A bad attitude is the fuel that keeps the fire of shame and guilt burning inside of you and prevents you from achieving greater potential. Stop blaming others and sift through your own shame, guilt, and bitterness. Own your all. A positive attitude propels you to the next action/step. Leave those behind who are stuck in their "whoa is me" mindset and keep moving forward!
5. Live in Abundance.
We all know family and friends who are always lacking, complaining, and needing you to do one more thing just for them every single day. Never fail to give, but remember people will continue to take from you and make you feel guilty for not helping them. There are ways to give without exhausting your means.
Let go of the guilt, align your priorities, give generously in the ways that matter most, and await the reward.
"Good things come to those who wait, better things come to those who don't give up, and the best things come to those who believe."
6. Set Your Alerts and Attract the Best.
The easiest way to avoid any further guilt or shame in life is to set your alerts and make sure you are attracting only the best. Find friends who help you make attainable goals, keep the past in the past, alleviate the extra distractions, and applaud you when you succeed.
"Make sure everybody in your boat is rowing not drilling holes when you are not looking." Unknown
7. Accept what you cannot change.
Some people and things will never change. It is ok. It's also equally fine to agree to disagree. If you need to apologize to move forward and be free of shame and guilt then do it today. Just remember, there are many times in life you will also have to accept the apology the other person very well may never give.
Analyze your all, apologize, forgive yourself, and move forward.
8. Run Analytics.
Analyze, Analyze, and Analyze again.
If you never really crunch the numbers on how you are doing you will stay broke, unhappy, and miserable. Do daily inventory to make sure you are not harboring new areas of guilt and shame before it takes root inside of you.
You will accomplish more and feel less guilty in life when you get comfortable applying proven principles and measuring your success correctly. Failure and shame are a sure bet when you only follow your own advice.
9. Answer Questions and be Available.
Once you've worked hard at self-awareness, asked the right questions to learn and grown, apologized, silenced your inner critic through self-forgiveness, and made sure your authority is full proof, then mentor away!
People need good people. People need people who are not competing, not interested in making money off them, and who sincerely want to help them succeed. There is no better guide than the one who has been in the trenches and there is no better feeling than helping another finish first!
10. Activate the Inner Hero in You and Others.
Over ten years ago, I was under the bondage of guilt and shame from something that happened. It paralyzed me more than most people ever knew. I felt like every time I would try to block it from my mind, it kept sneaking back reminding me of my inadequacies.
I did a study with a friend at her church while our kids were in school. She had no idea when she invited me, we were simply on the same school committees with our small children.
In that study, I learned about a woman with many "sins." The story goes on to share this verse that I have embedded in my mind and say EVERY time those feelings of not good enough pop in my mind.
"Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little.”
My tears still hit the keyboard to this day anytime I read that verse and remember what heavy loads we carry due to imperfection and ugly days and moments. How we let prior shame and guilt keep us from our full potential.
I can't walk the journey for you, and my imperfections are many, but I hope you genuinely see that the hero you need to rescue you lies within you. The path to peace has already been paved and the ultimate atonement has been paid.
Let go of the hurt. Let go of the shame. Let go of guilt. And then GO! Unlock the hero inside of you!
I Peter 4:8: "Above all love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."
I love you much!
Turn up the volume and make today your NEW day living in freedom from your shame! Click below :)
"Gone, Gone, my sin is dead and gone... So, I'm gonna live like my shame is gone."
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