One sure way to experience mom failure in 2021 is to still be trying to meet the old unrealistic goals of the pre-pandemic life. Life has changed. We are all experiencing new realities and there are no sure-fire ways to succeed.
Just like the COVID 19 virus, this is new territory and one that will not be fully appreciated until many years down the road. I tell my girls every day that they are making history and that their grandkids will one day read about them in the history books! I am met with eye rolls and "whatever mom" looks. But... can I get an Amen from all the parents? I mean we all want to make our kids think we had it worse, but this is pretty bad!
However, there is still time to make the moments count, rethink your prior preconceived ideas and routines, and dig a bit deeper and create more sustainable ideas for the future.
Here are my top 6 must-have moments with Mom...
1. Moms model real - learning authenticity is the best life skill.
There is no need to pretend. After 365 days a year together, quarantine mood swings, and walls that are closing in, I would say you know the real. So if you are struggling financially, feeling stressed over the current news, overloaded from work, or just trying to keep back the tears, our kids still deserve authenticity and our real self.
We can all agree that there are some heavy burdens that only parents need to carry, but it is normal and ok to say to your kids, "I'm sorry I am stressed and a bit distant, my plate is too full."
Follow this statement up with a good coping mechanism - long walk, hot bath, front porch sitting, or reading a book. Our kids need first and foremost for us to model what to do next in life's chaos.
The bad days will continue to come and we will get life wrong many times. However, what matters is that we try. The moments we nail it will far surpass all the moments that were less than impressive.
2. Be up when they come home.
One of the things I learned most during quarantine is the importance of being awake and present when my teens come home from work or a friend's house. Before the pandemic, I would go ahead and get in bed, keep my phone on, and not drift off to sleep until I heard them come in the front door.
During the pandemic, I stayed up quite a bit later since I worked from home some and found that these late hours are when teens talk the most. If I was sitting at the dining room table working on my blog, they would pull up a chair, and sit and chat.
"My greatest blessings call me mom.” Unknown
“Life is tough my darling, but so are you.” – Stephanie Bennet Henry
“From a little girl so very small, how and when did you get so tall?” ― Karen Mortensen
“And though she be but little, she is fierce.” – William Shakespeare
“No matter how old she may be, sometimes a girl just needs her mom.” – Cardinal Mermillod
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." Robert Munsch
3. Dig a little deeper.
Teens face huge pressure, bullying, and guilt for the secret things they are hiding from their parents. Most teens will rush past their parents, head on to their room, and then engulf in more toxic relationships with friends all while we sleep.
I love my late night chats with my girls. I find if I stay up even after they scurry up to their rooms, that they will wander back down in their PJs, grab a snack, and sit and chat some more.
The night gets long and the morning comes quickly; however, I will sit and soak up as much of their time as they are willing to spend with me.
4. Show them beauty shines from within.
I keep this quote on the wall leading into my girl's bedrooms: "Happy girls are the prettiest." I hope it is a daily reminder of their self-worth and real beauty.
Friends can be mean. If we allow the words others speak over us to sink in, it becomes hard to experience real joy and let our inner hero shine.
Social media bullying is very real. There is no greater heart hurt than for a mama to hear and see (thanks to videos on phones) the hate that is being spread. It is without question proof that our kids are experiencing something much worse than anything most parents can even imagine.
Thus, every chance you get, remind them of their beauty.
5. Don't belittle their hurts.
Stay sensitive. The short statement and attitude they just gave you, the slamming door, and the rushing off to their room to hide could very well be an indicator of something boiling under the surface. Our kids have many pressures and far too much noise coming from social media.
Give your daughters a list of quotes to hang in their bathroom or send them a few reminders during the day to their phone. The older my girls get, the more they seem to enjoy a note in their lunch or a private message via instagram or snap chat.
Mean kids can use social for harm but moms can combat the hate with love!
I don't know how many times my sister, mom, grandma, or dear friends have sent me a quote or a text in a moment where I felt lonely and it was just the extra nudge I needed to finish the day. Our kids need the same.
Moms are the ultimate super-hero. No cape needed, invisible powers available in a moment's notice - all while making their children feel like it was their inner hero that really shined!
Extra link for more quotes to send to your daughter
6. Remind them: Mom is still there.
Lessons in life are often best taught on the bathroom floor, crying in the bed beside mom, and in the moments of complete heartache and failure.
My girls and I have been dealt some hard blows over the last two years. There is perfection I wish I had always maintained. However, there is real life I hope I modeled best.
Life is hard. No one will do life for you.
However, there is one person that no matter what muck and mire you find yourself in, she‘s behind you, shovel in hand, helping dig you out.
This is a year of change.
What was, is not.
Yet what forever will be is my Mom.
She is still there.
No matter what happened in my past, my mom was still there.
No matter how far I sink today in my self-created mess, my mom is still there.
And when I start to step away from her nest, I know my mom will still be there.
And when I begin to build my own roost, I know my mom will still be there.
And when in her presence I can no longer sit, I'll know my mom will still be there.
The love of a mother present or past is the glue that God created to hold me until my last.
Makes the moments matter. Today. Together.
Thank you, Mom. I love you.
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