The hardest part of life can often be the preconceived idea of what happiness looks like. One scroll through social media's "highlight reel" and you think you have the fragments framed, hung, and sealed the deal for yourself and for others.
However, never fear. "You are not the hostage and there is magic in the revision." Steven Furtick — I'm Glad It Happened
And as my youngest daughter, Abby, would say, who struggles with focus and says reading (and even listening at times) is for the birds, "Cut to the chase, I don't understand all the extra!"
So if that's you, Welcome to ABSolutely Amyable blog post - Ab's style!
Here is an easy way to help you counteract (antidote) unhappiness all while remembering your opponents (game lingo for the Abs) that will leave you framing your fragments and inspiring others to do the same!
Finding Happy in Your F.R.A.G.M.E.N.T.S.
First, you must be:
F: Fully Present and Future Focused vs Frail and Failing
Abby ADD Version: I need you right here, in your chair, and doing at least three things today that will help you reach your future goals (AKA finish google classroom assignments) and make it out of the virtual academy with as little pain as possible.
My OCD Version: Buy a gratitude journal and write in it every day. I use to think it was pointless to just write 3 things you are grateful for every morning or night... However, when you get stuck and unhappy during the day while refocusing Abby twelve times, you can scroll back a few days, years, or even seconds and remember - Ok, well I am not where I was yesterday... so Happy Thursday to me!
Versus:
You are out of time outs, the game clock has ended, you have no more chances to succeed, you've failed the last three assignments... this mindset is dangerous and a great way to feel frail, failing, and unhappy.
If we do not invest in the present and become fully engaged we are going to lose golden opportunities as adults and as kids. Be present. Get creative. The future depends on your today.
R: Refocus and Reflect vs Resentment
I love this one. REFOCUS. Do you know how many times I can say that to Abby, like hello we just did letter F: Be FULLY present... And then I turn around snapping at Abby for not focusing and then my OCD kicks in on overdrive and I am totally zoning out, only taking in bits and pieces while I scrutinize what I must accomplish after we finish schoolwork and pretty soon Abby looks at me and says, "Mom, you did not even listen to a word I said!"
Oh... Oops!
Abby and I still giggle over a math teacher in middle school with a ruler with the word FOCUS written on the end. That ruler drove Abby absolutely bonkers. She was ready to snap that sucker in two! But guess what Abby never forgot to do when she saw that ruler a waving in the air?
So after you've snapped that focus ruler in two and are fully engaged - now you can reflect. And for all my Abbys who hate big words... according to God, I mean google... reflect means: "to think deeply or carefully about."
If you are really unhappy, you gotta take Abby’s game day advice... Leave that defeat on the field! However, enjoy the not so fun part of reflecting with Dad all the way home from the game. Play by Play.
Life requires you to show up, be present, focus, refocus, reflect, and play hard. Notice the absent players in life and the resentment runners who love to throw your fragments right into a big oh pile of ruin and plaster for all to see.
Stay the course... your frame is coming!
A: Action vs Avoid
For the Abbys: You better set your alarm and get your behind on up and out of that bed and make some action steps towards school work and life because if not there will be one person that you won't be able to avoid for a few days... Mom!
Give your all. Avoid isn't a winning game day play. Just ask Abby, mouth full of dirt and all - but, hey, she slid on in for that win instead of avoiding the possible out!
Action and giving your all wins every time. Just remember fragments take time to piece back together. It might not feel like victory quite yet.
I do not need to know someone else’s all. Instead, I take full responsibility for my all and I pledge to give my all to others while being forever grateful to the one who paid my all.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” I Peter 4:8“
G: Gratitude vs Guilt
Abby to the opponent: "Good game, where ya wanna go to celebrate?"
Doesn't matter who won or lost. At the end of the day, make it two-all, three-all, four-all - where all indicates an equal score. In the end, better not bitter wins.
Be thankful for the moments of growth and reject the guilt. Guilty parties push heavy your way. Let them "knock" you to pieces. Those fragments they think they left over in the ditch, just made you lighter, more agile, and those pieces get picked up and are carefully reassembled for a revision that only the master can make.
M: Mine to Manage vs Mine, Mine, Mine
Moral authority and finding meaning in life matters. Those who know that life here is only what you've been given to manage will always move forward even as the storm rages.
And for all the Mine, Mine, Mine mindsets... I can't say I don't mind or care because it's yours to waste anyway. But I do care. And in the game of life, we should all care that we all make it home.
There is a fight for young people right now in our community. Don't supply and provide harmful means to destroy our kids. Manage your mine. What you allow and avoid to address will end up taking what was never mine or yours to begin with...
They are each HIS.... and HE does mind.
What the enemy thinks he is holding hostage will be released, your fragments will be collected, and the revision will be far greater than you can imagine.
My kids are yours, dear Lord, not mine. And today, I have extinguished my means. I am handing them over to you and not saying, mine, mine, mine. They are only mine to manage and yours to frame.
E: Embrace vs Embarrass and Evict
I will: embrace
[əmˈbrās]
VERB
hold (someone) closely in one's arms, especially as a sign of affection. "Aunt Sophie embraced her warmly" · [more] synonyms: hug · take/hold in one's arms · hold · cuddle · clasp to one's bosom · clasp · [more]
accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically. "besides traditional methods, artists are embracing new technology" synonyms: welcome · accept · receive enthusiastically/wholeheartedly · take up · [more]
include or contain (something) as a constituent part. "his career embraces a number of activities—composing, playing, and acting" synonyms: include · take in · cover · involve · take into account · contain · comprise · incorporate · encompass · encapsulate · embody · subsume · comprehend
I will not embarrass and evict:
Trump vs Biden Heaven vs Hell My Kid vs Yours
Watch the means by which you chose your side and publish those eviction notices.
In the end... it's all HIS.
N: Nourish vs Neglect
What we nourish grows... Ever seen a beer belly? Oops, bad choice - that was the Abby in me talking. ;)
Daily discipline is the only way. Follow the F.R.A.G.M.E.N.T.S. to your happy.
Either life keeps you far away from harm or you just walk right smack dab into trouble. You will eventually strikeout even with great care and we all have some narrow misses in life; however, just remember to nourish the good as much as possible.
We all must join Abby on this one... take the mouth full of dirt and slide on home before you ever think about neglecting your team!
T: Trust vs Twisted Turmoil
Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
turmoil
[ˈtərˌmoil]
NOUN
a state of great disturbance, confusion, or uncertainty. "the country was in turmoil" · [more] synonyms: confusion · upheaval(s) · turbulence · tumult · disorder · commotion · disturbance · agitation · ferment · unrest · trouble · disruption · upset · convulsions · chaos · mayhem · pandemonium · bedlam · uproar · uncertainty · Sturm und Drang · tohubohu · moil · coil · [more]
Turmoil: fragments, disorder, unrest, chaos, highlight reel :)
*mute button the turmoil, turn off the highlight reel, and trust God
S: Success Vs...
Success.
God never leaves us in pieces. Instead, he collects each and every fragment of what the world has broken, and piece by piece he delicately arranges the pieces connecting each with care and frames our fragments.
Just like this valuable platter that my daughter won and my husband shattered it... What she thought was trashed, her daddy had kept, every single piece.
He returned it to her, framed - a perfect masterpiece of her success.
So today remember your F.R.A.M.E.
F: Fulfilled Purpose
R: Redeemed
A: Assignment Complete
M: Masterpiece
E: Enough
Final Frame
Last year, after spending 15 straight days in the hospital by my husband's bedside as he battled neuroendocrine cancer, I came home for a night with the girls. I hadn't received the news I needed to hear that day from the doctors but still, I collected my fragments, man they were heavy. I am not even sure how I carried them out of the hospital doors that day, loaded them into the car, and made it home late that evening.
I climbed into bed that night and Abby plopped down beside me. She put her arm on me and said, "Mom I am proud of you, you've handled some really hard days, you have been really strong, and I love you."
It was then that I realized all those fragments and heavy pieces that I could not imagine how I carried on my shoulders, were actually being carried for me. They were being held in safekeeping with family and friends and with a great big God who takes those fragments and frames them into beautiful masterpieces.
I hope you have an Abs beside you today. I hope you know your worth and value and that you belong. And that you are enough.
Say goodbye to mine, mine, mine. Someone is feeling just like you, a tired mom, a hurting dad, an exhausted caregiver, a neglected or abused spouse, a troubled teen, and an overloaded boss or underappreciated worker.
Here's a God reminder to you for that frame he is piecing together delicately with all your fragments...
"I am proud of you. You've handled some really hard days, you have been really strong, and I love you."
Goodnight Google, I mean God ;)
P.S. Don't miss out. Join me here!
Welcome to Absolutely Amyable. Here you will find your calm cushion in life's chaos.
I have renewed resolve to use my story to help shape your story. To pass on to the next generation the power of meaningful connection and care for others.
May each of us who swore by oaths in our professions recite them daily and vow to uphold them. May each of us help guide others to find and fulfill their inner calling.
But You're ___________ *insert your name here.
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